An Emotional Weekend

So this weekend, again, was quite disasterous with regards to eating. However though, I am learning to bounce back and change my frame of thought. This time it took me a day and a half of positive self-talk and a bit of coaxing to come down from that ledge of emotional eating. Here are a few things that happened that led me to this.....

Friday - The Graduation Ceremony: step son's 8th grade graduation...This was stressful and emotional because our little man is growing up. It's been a little hard to come to terms with this because this means that my husband and I are *cringe* "getting older...." The arrival of my mother-in-law and my mom as well was comforting. They came with us and had a sort of calming effect on me. Also, this event was stressful because it was the possible avenue to a potentially disasterous encounter with the ex-wife. Which thankfully never happened...Later that night, we went out to Mexican food, which of course you need with a drink. Thankfully the drink was the only mistake I made that night. (Of course, I forgot I wasn't supposed to be drinking because I might be preggers....)

Saturday - The Graduation Party: Was very nice actually. The only stressful part was not giving ourselves enough time to get stuff done. But in the end most of the arrivals were late and pretty much everything was finished! My eating got out of hand because I didn't eat enough throughout the day which led to overeating later in the day and into that night. I just caved and decided to call that whole night a wash. Bad choice on my part because it made things all the much harder the next day.

Sunday - Finally a chance to relax: of course the worst felons of temptation were still lying around the house. (Chocolate chip cookies, cheese cake, chips) all of which found their way onto my plate and into my mouth shortly before 1pm...After feeling totally gluttonous and emotionally drained from my self-imposed downfall. I decided I'd had enough of this crappy state of mind. I marched up stairs decided to throw myself into the last few chapters of my book and take my mind off of things. That's the trick I'm seeing now. Its to change focus, and not give in to those nasty little impulses. I caved only once more opting for a last "heave-ho" and had a chocolate chip cookie. After that, my insulin levels spiked and crashed of course...

So I had a nice salad last night, and a very healthy dinner of steamed veggies, rice (need to change this to brown) and mushroom chicken. When going to bed, I was quite pleased with myself for getting this little binge under control. Also (earlier in the day) I decided to go shopping and change my focus even more to my size. This wasn't as depressing as I'd expected. I bought a size 6 skirt which had me flying high! I was so excited since I've been frequenting the 8-9 sections as of late. Well...no more..Not until I get pregnant at the very least.

This morning I packed my breakfast, lunch and snack and feel pretty confident that it's going to be a better day. Read More!

Weekend Stumbling

Wow, I'm so ashamed of how poorly I've eaten this weekend that I'm almost too embarrassed to blog about it. The downhill spiral started on Friday night, after I got home from the movies. I got some bad news regarding a project that I'd intended on doing for a family member, and I started stress-eating. What started out as a minor dinner stumble, which I could've recovered from ended up being a full scale binge late that night.

Saturday...was even worse. I went to a birthday party for my friends daughter, and we normally drink quite a bit. Between the drinking and snacking I totally blew my eating plan. I'm in the negative with my points right now...But last night we also TTC. (Bd'd) which is really no excuse. My judgment was poor and I really should've tried to stay on track. Today, I definitely need to do something active and really really stay on top of my eating plan. In fact, I think I will plan out my week in advanced in order to steer clear of any mishaps this week.

I never realized how weak I get on the weekends, when I am not working, or have much structure. I really just let down my hair and use every excuse in the book to eat freely and make some really bad choices! Well...That is going to change. I need to be a bit more firm with myself if I want to see results.

It's possible I might be pregnant, which isn't going to deter my efforts. I have about 3 weeks of waiting to find out, so in the meantime I am going to assume that my normal diet will continue. I still eat healthily, just too much. I don't drink often, and I no longer consume caffeine, or sodas. These next three weeks will contain ZERO drinking, and I need to be more conscientious of what sort of aspirin / meds I take. I took midol last night because I felt like a headache was coming on, but moving forward, I need to be more careful, until I'm absolutely positive that I am not pregnant.

This whole "am, or aren't I?" is really tiring. We've been TTC for six months, and its' been really hard on me. After I got off the pill in Dec. I gained 10 lbs and ate like there was no tomorrow, thinking that if I "was" pregnant, I didn't want to deprive the baby. After all these months, of thinking that way, I've packed on another 10 lbs. Hence my need to join WW.

This has been a really good exercise for me though. I'm getting a clearer view of my weaknesses and strengths, and can clearly see where I need to be more disciplined and careful. Clearly stress, and hanging out with friends is dangerous point for me in terms of diet. I just need to get my head in the game and not let outside influences have an effect on my eating habits.

I think moving forward, this week and next weekend will be better for me. I want to do better, and I want to improve myself.

Now, in terms of the type of activity I do, in attempt to rid myself of some guilt from the weekend, I am not sure what I should do. Normally I would go for a really hard run, but when I think of the possibility of being pregnant, I get worried, that I'd shake the darn thing out. Stupid, I know, I just really really want this, and don't want to do anything stupid to prevent it from happening. I think maybe a nice hard bike ride would be good for me. I know it's not as many points on the activity scale, but it's really something I enjoy. Or...maybe I'll go for a hike..Not sure though, cause it's really cloudy out right now, and it doesn't look like it's going to clear up.

I do have TONS of housework to do, so that could be good..At least the house would be cleaner :)

Ok. Enough speculating. I need to get this day moving. I promised the hubby a nice breakfast. Lets get out the point calculator... Read More!

Solution

Ok. Here's the plan. In lieu of my little crack up here after lunch. I am taking corrective action. Tonight, I am going to run for 30-45 min. (before dinner) After that, I am going to make a nice low calorie dinner for myself and family, and then give myself a bath. (I've never taken a bath at our house, I normally just shower) But I need to remember that after doing something active, a reward is called for. Not a reward I can eat, but one I can feel and appreciate. A bubble bath is in order!

I walked the dog already this morning, so that guilt is out of the way. I will walk him again tomorrow morning. But tonight, is just for me. I haven't run in a very long time, so I will do my very best, and smile. - Rain or shine! Read More!

Thoughts on Caving

So today...(only day two) I caved. Although...in my own defense I must say...I did acquire 2 additional points (I get 20 daily) plus a weekly 35 extra. So I am definitely dipping into my 35 points this week. I wish I didn't. My head is pounding and I don't feel so good. It was such a stupid move. I had a twix bar....I don't know why I just did it out of impulse. I've been trying to cut artificial sweetners out of my diet, but I think for impulses like this, it may not be a bad idea to have something low-fat and sweet on hand.

I did really well yesterday, and for most of today. (I resisted the meeting donuts this morning!) So I don't want to brood too heavily on how bad this was. Today hasn't passed without a little success. I just need to be more careful about what I eat tonight and for the rest of the week. I've noticed a 2 lb. drop just in two days alone. I highly doubt that twix will put me in the red, it's just not a very healthy habit. I need to replace it with a different habit. Which one, I'm not sure....The thing is, when these cravings occur, they don't just go away. I forget about them and then come back to them later until I give in. I guess I will just need to further develop my discipline and be more firm with myself. Especially if I am a diabetic risk.

The next meals (moving forward) will be different. Read More!

The Eating Dilemma

So, I've decided to approach my plan of attack from two angles. The first will be to tackle the eating dilemma. The second..The workout dilemma. (although that's a work in progress). I went to the Dr.'s yesterday and in lieu of trying to conceive she told me that I was borderline overweight. So...with some resistance, I decided to sign up for weight watchers. Today is my first day of my 20 pt. allotment. So far so good. I just need to keep my mind on the positive aspects. My health will improve, this will probably better our chances of getting pregnant. And finally, my clothes will fit me better!

I decided to pay the doc a visit since I'm at high risk for diabetes (all of mother's side suffers from it) and because well, when I get preggers, I don't want gestational diabetes either! So, I need to keep my eye on the goal and press ahead. These things for me, are usually 90% head games, 10% effort. So....Here We Go!!! Read More!